Looking Back - One Year Later

This has been an emotional week on many different levels.  All week I've been thinking how this time last year, things changed for our family forever.  Tomorrow is actually the year anniversary, but today is the "day" in my mind.  It was the Saturday after school started, I was drinking my coffee, sitting with the laptop in my lap, just as I am now, when the knock on the door happened.  I was getting ready to listen to the 21 Days of Prayer service, just like now.  How quickly things can happen, but how quickly God can restore what you think has been lost forever.

Thinking back, I've realized this week that a few things were instrumental in our lives.

1. Dependence - Pastor Blake, our campus pastor, discussed this at First Wednesday.  Until I was ready to let go and have total dependence on God, I couldn't completely feel His peace wash over me.  I had to cast all my cares on Him so He could care for me.  There was no way in my own power, or in the power of the doctors (we learned), that Charley was going to be healed.  We HAD to depend on God.
2. Prayer - Prayer was a constant.  In the 20 days that Charley was in NICU, we never had on the TV.  I don't recall reading anything.  People brought magazines and books, but I couldn't focus on anything but Charley.  There were people praying for him all the time, people in the waiting room, at church, at home.  When we didn't know how or what to pray, you were standing in the gap for us.  
3. Words - Words were so powerful.  The words I spoke had to be words of life.  Every night before leaving, I read healing scriptures over Charley.  Sometimes it was through tears and sobs, but they were read.  To and with the boys, words of life were spoken.  I feel like if I hadn't, I would have allowed satan a tiny foothold that he didn't deserve.  Words of encouragement from others were also vital.  They came pouring in at all times.  I wrote many of them down in my prayer journal so I could go back to them and read them over and over.  Every Facebook message, text message, CaringBridge post that was sent was read.  We couldn't reply back to them, but they were read and appreciated.  
4. Family - Our little family is so blessed to still be together.  I learned more about the strength of our family during this time.  My boys were so strong and took very good care of their mama.  My extended family, from my dad to aunts and uncles all stepped in and helped however they could.  My dad became a huge source of strength.  I couldn't have made it without him.  My "the church" family was amazing! One phone call to anyone is all it would have taken and anyone would be there.  

In closing, I want to emphasize something I have said before.  As Christians, we are not promised a worry or trouble free life.  What we are promised is that we will never be alone.  Each of the four points mentioned above have one thing in common, Jesus.  He's the common thread throughout.  I do not know how people experience any tragedy without the hope that He offers.  If you don't know Him, haven't experienced that hope, let me share my story with you.  Please allow me to share in more detail how He has changed my life.

This is my last post.  I'm looking forward to moving past this day and into a new year, full of more strides toward recovery for Charley.  We give all praise, honor, and glory to Him, because He alone deserves all praise for the miracle that is sitting next to me today.  Thank you to each of you who have gone on this journey with me, remembering the events of last year in order to give all praise to God!  May He bless each of you as you continue on your journey of faith.

Twenty - What's the Big Deal?

#20 

As Charley progressed through his recovery, we discovered that the number 20 would be significant for us. This number began to show up in so many ways that it could only be God.

Charley's accident happened during the 21 Days of Prayer for our church.  I felt certain that God would move and would move early.  How could He not?  There were literally hundreds of people praying earnestly for him to recover.  I know now that God was teaching me to wait on Him and to put all of my trust in Him.  Prayers were lifted for Charley throughout the 21 Days of Prayer.  I followed the messages each morning, but the message on Day 13 was the most significant for me, because the pastor spoke about how we cannot put our trust in man but we have to put our trust in God.  Over the next week I would utter the scripture reference (Zechariah 4:6) again and again as decisions had to be made - a decision to place a trach, a decision to sign a consent for surgery - multiple times.  The worst day was when Charley struggled so terribly with pneumonia.  I whispered, "Not by might or power, but my Spirit, says the Lord Almighty."  I knew the doctors were knowledgeable, but only God could heal, and I begged Him for healing for Charley.

Friday morning, August 22, the 20th day of the 21 Days of Prayer, Charley made his turnaround.  The day before, he had a fever of over 104 and was the sickest he had been.  I think I was more scared that day than I had been on any day.  I was so convinced throughout the 21 Days of Prayer that God was going to move - simply because of the prayer focus at church.  I forgot all about my role.  I had to trust Him and turn everything over to Him.  I had to learn to quit putting my faith in the doctors and put my faith in God.  

On the 20th day in the hospital, Charley was moved from the NICU to Spain Rehab.  The nurses told us that it was rare for patients to move directly from the NICU to rehab without going to a step-down unit.  

On the 20th day in Spain Rehab, Charley was released to go home!  Yes, home!  All of those 20s were huge, but none more than the last one.  See, what you don't know is this, on 8/15, we were told by the neurosurgeon that Charley would never wake up.  He said Charley had suffered a major stroke in his corpus callosum, damaging his brain beyond repair.  He said if he did wake up, he wouldn't be any different than what we were experiencing then.  The doctor went on to tell us that he would never move his right side.  That night was the hardest night ever.  The boys and I went to Dad's house and I spent time alone on Dad's balcony praying, crying, and putting my big girl pants on.  The boys and I decided that whatever cards we were dealt, we could handle it.  The next morning, I walked into Charley's room and he was moving his right side!  I told the nurse to get Dr. Doom (not his real name) in that room because he obviously didn't know the power of my God! 

On the day Charley left the hospital, he walked out, unassisted.  I think one of the things that moved me so much when I read my prayer journal this weekend is that I believed he would walk out.  I voiced that belief in my prayers.  I think God wanted to hear my belief.  He already knew what He was going to do.

Just a couple of extra 20s that are just pretty cool.  The accident was on 8/9/14.  On 8/11/14, our oldest son, Will, celebrated his 20th birthday.  Also, Charley and I were married on June 20th.  Isn't God awesome?

Big Church, Little Church, BE the Church!

August 9, 2014 - This day will forever be burned in my memory.  The knock on my door came around 8:30 am.  Charley was injured about 6:30 am, just a few minutes into his ride. My first call was to my dad.  I knew he would come to meet me at the hospital.  Other than a few other calls, we went straight there.

The devil immediately began working on me.  He told me that no one would be there, that I'd be all alone.  To be honest with you, I believed him.  You see, I grew up in a church in my community, had been there all my life.  Three years ago, we made a gut wrenching decision to move to another church.  We weren't mad, didn't leave in a huff.  We just made a decision that was best for our family.  However, the church we now call home is huge.  It's membership is over 30,000.  I thought that no one in that huge church is going to know what is going on with me.  I'm going to be all alone.  Plus, all of my former church family, those that I spent my entire life with, how will they know?  Will they even care? In the short ride from Smoke Rise to UAB, those thoughts were going through my mind.

I had never been to the emergency room at UAB, but I was ready to bust through the door once we arrived.  I certainly didn't want to wait on the security guard to go through my purse.  I vaguely remember throwing it in the "bowl" and running through the metal detector.  I think one of the boys brought it to me.  I checked in at the desk and rounded the corner to the ER. What I saw next still blows my mind.  The room was full of people - people from that huge church that wouldn't know who I was.  People who didn't know me came to me and prayed with me.  I was so comforted to know they were there.  One of the pastors from our church was there, Pastor Steve.  He was a huge comfort in the days to come.  I can never thank my home church for their prayers, support, and guidance during that time.  I learned that a big church can become small when someone is in need.

Even more amazing in the days followimg was that a friend from my former church organized facebook posts and eventually a CaringBridge site so that people would know how to pray for Charley.  Another friend from this church showed up with an envelope full of money that the women's ministry collected.  My coworkers at school collected money for us.  People came with gift cards, snacks, blankets (it was SO cold in the NICU).  I could go on and on.  We were blessed beyond measure, so much that in the 40 days Charley was in the hospital, neither I nor the boys had to pay for parking once or a meal.  All of these blessings came from The Church, not just one church but from many.

Isn't that how it's supposed to be?  When one is hurting, shouldn't the church rise up and help?  So often people are wounded or hurt in the place that should embrace them, love them.  I am witness that in my time of need, the church came to my rescue.  It came in the form of a nurse who came by even when he wasn't on Charley's floor, to give me comfort and answer questions.  It came in the form of many, many people who just stopped by on their lunch break. It came in the form of those who would be sitting in the waiting room, praying for us, day after day.  It came in the form of the more than 70 men at my home church who were dedicated to praying for Charley's complete healing.  It came in the form of each sweet person who brought my family a hot lunch every single day so we didn't have to eat out every meal.  It came in the form of the NICU nurses who sat with me when I cried and who told me to go home and rest because Charley was going to need me more when he woke up.  They were truly angels.

When you're blessed like that, you want to be a blessing back.  If you read my first blog, you read that the night before Charley's accident, we had bought a large tray of cookies at Costco for his class reunion.  We brought those cookies to the nurses at the NICU.  We couldn't use all of the gift cards we were given, so we gave them to families we met in the waiting room.  I can't tell you how much chocolate we had, and nurses love chocolate!  Need I say more?  I think one of the best gifts we gave the nurses was bringing Charley back to the NICU upon his release from the hospital.  Being in the NICU for twenty days, I learned that there aren't a lot of happy endings there.  They delighted in seeing Charley as he left the hospital to go home. I don't say any of this to pat ourselves on the back. Our cup was running over with blessings.  I think it was just a natural thing to want to pay it forward to someone else.

What can you do to be the church?  What blessing can you pay forward?  One thing I've learned through this experience is that there are a lot of good people in this world.  Look for opportunities this week.  To all of my teacher friends out there, our mission field is waiting for us!  Be the church and love on some kids!

Saturday Morning Reflections

I had a direction I was going today, but I think God had a different idea.  In my quiet time this morning, I pulled out my prayer journal from Charley's time in the hospital.  Through my tears and grateful heart, I read through it.  Wow!  It's been a while since I've read it.  What memories it brings back.  Just to give you a glimpse, I want to post a few excerpts.

8/13 - Written to Charley
You would be so proud of Will and Ben.  They've just taken charge.  Will has gone home each night and taken care of the dogs and the house.  Ben has stepped right into the routine of school.  He started classes today.

So many people love you.  I wish I had kept a list of the visitors you've had to come see you. There have been SO many.  I was worried because we attend such a huge church that we wouldn't be ministered to.  Boy - was I wrong!  Before you ever left the trauma unit, Pastor Steve was there, as well as so many people from the Fultondale Campus.

8/16 - written to Charley
One week ago today our lives changed.  I've asked so many times - Why did you ride that day? Why was Kent not running in that triathlon? Why are we here? What are you doing God? I am so scared.  I want you back.  I'm not ready to do life on my own.

8/18
Father God,
I praise you and thank you for all of the miracles that have taken place up until today.  I thank you for the miracle that Charley even survived the wreck.  I know that you have many plans for him, plans for a future.  Your word promises us that.  I claim the fact that his future is not over.  I claim it in the name of Jesus.  I ask Father that you give us back the time that satan has tried to steal.  I ask that you bless our family over and over again with time back that we have lost as a result of this accident.  I pray right now for his brain to heal. I pray and rebuke any long term affects from the stroke on him physically, mentally, or emotionally.  You've told us to ask for these things in your name and I am asking for them in the name of Jesus. I ask that the nerve endings in Charley's brain begin to heal, that they begin working again.

Father, I need for his lungs to heal, for the secretions to be gone, for the staph infection to clear, in Jesus' name.  I know and have faith that you have a plan for our family.  You have promised good for those who believe your word and for those who love you.  Charley loves you.  I love you.  Will and Ben love you.  Lord, I am begging you to restore Charley to full and complete health, better than he was before.  I have faith that regardless of where I see Charley now that I will see him walking, active, being funny, all around himself, because you want all things good for your children.

I ask that his body stay healthy during the procedure tomorrow.  I ask that there be no complications or issues with his vocal chords, intestines, digestive system.  I ask that you protect every fiber of his body from complications and help him heal quickly.

Lord, I can't do this on my own.  I need you desperately.  I so scared and feel so alone sometimes.  These are unchartered waters for me.  I don't know what to do or how to handle it.  Please give me wisdom in making decisions.  Please whisper in my ear when decision time comes so I will know that I've made the best decision, guided by the Holy Spirit.

Please help me to stay focused so that I can see the prize at the end.  You will receive all honor and glory when Charley walks out of the hospital.  I know it will happen, and when it does, we are going to praise your Holy Name!

8/22/14 - written to Charley
God has been so faithful and good to us.  He is going to heal you! I believe that with all my heart.  I truly believe that you will walk out of this hospital without assistance.  I love you and am so proud of how you've fought your way back to us.  I am so thankful that God spared your life on 8/9/14.  I cannot imagine life without you.  We are so blessed to have you - me as my husband and the boys as their daddy.  Sleep well tonight.  Love you!

When Charley was injured on 8/9, he had multiple injuries.  Because he was struggling to breathe, he was placed on a vent.  He stayed on it for 12 days and then got a trach and feeding tube (the procedure referenced above).  He also had three brain bleeds, suffered a stroke, and had multiple seizures.  As a result of the accident, he had temporary paralysis on the right side of his body.  He was in a medically induced coma for a couple of weeks.  He developed pneumonia and tested positive for MRSA staph in his lungs.  He was a very sick man.  I tell you all of this so that you will see how miraculous God's healing was.  One of my posts will focus on "Dr. Doom" and his prognosis for Charley.  God had a different prognosis.

Our church was in the midst of the 21 Days of Prayer.  I would listen every morning as I was getting ready to head back to the hospital from my dad's house in Homewood.  On day 13, the Huntsville Campus pastor spoke about how we can't put our trust in man; we can only put our trust in God.  This became huge as doctor after doctor was giving me bad news.  The scripture he shared was from Zechariah 4:6, "Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord Almighty."  This became my theme verse throughout Charley's hospital stay.  He was injured on Day 6, so this message was early on in his recovery.

This past year has brought many changes, some expected, some not.  My total dependence on Christ and my walk with Him are two things that have grown as a result of Charley's accident.  He tells us in John 16:33 that we will have trouble in this world, so it's not an if but when.  However, we're not alone in that fight.  The rest of the verse says to take heart, that He has overcome the world. God is our partner.  I can tell you that there were many days that He carried me.  i never expected that knock on my door on that Saturday morning, but from the moment it happened, He was there.

Open the Floodgate of Memories

I love everything about the beginning of the school year - school supplies, school clothes, the smells, the sounds, everything!  As an educator, there's an excitement about getting a do over every single year.  As I posted the class lists at our school today, I could just imagine the faces coming through the front door of our school, anticipating what the new year would bring them.

Then it hit me.  This time last year....  I was just beginning a new adventure as an administrator.  I loved my job and was anxious to begin the year in my new position.  The first full week of school was great, but especially the first two days with students.  I loved going from classroom to classroom, meeting the new fifth graders, checking in with them, seeing how they were enjoying the new middle school.  On Friday evening, I was exhausted.  My husband, Charley, and I made our weekly trip to Costco.  That's one of our favorite things to do.  He had a class reunion the next day and we bought a huge tray of cookies to take.  I can still remember the trip to Costco.  But the morning after was what I will never, ever forget.

Charley was an avid cyclist.  He started riding through a small group at our church, Church of the Highlands.  He rode with a friend, Kent, nearly every Saturday.  This Saturday was no exception.  They would meet early and ride for several hours.  However, this week, they chose a different route than they usually rode. Charley would always wake me up before he left and tell me he loved me.  This time he didn't and that would be huge later.  I remember waking up around 8 am, getting coffee, and settling in with HGTV.  A knock on the door startled me at 8:30.  As I type this, my heart is pounding just remembering those moments.  A sheriff's deputy was at the door and I remember thinking, "What has Will done?" (sorry Will) The deputy asked me if I was related to John Charles Johnson and proceeded to tell me that he had been seriously injured while riding his bicycle that morning; he had been hit by a car and was in the trauma unit at UAB.  I wish I could tell you that my body went into auto pilot and that I don't remember anything else, but I vividly remember everything.  My phone rang instantly and it was Denise, Kent's wife.  I remember brushing my teeth (why?) and almost leaving the boys.  I ran down the stairs and they were coming out of their rooms.  They said that they could tell by my footsteps that something was wrong.  We went and picked up Denise and left for the hospital.  All of this happened in a matter of 10 minutes.  Our lives changed in 10 minutes.

God knew this day was going to happen.  He knew what we needed.  He knew that two days after school started that I would miss over a month of work.  He knew that my husband, the love of my life, would come very close to Heaven that day.  He was ready.  I was not.  He was there with me when I walked into the emergency room at UAB and never left my side for the next 40 days.  He was always there and still is.  I learned more about myself and my dependence on God in those 40 days than I ever thought I would.

I decided to write this blog as a way to heal and as a way to share the many miracles we experienced throughout Charley's recovery.  It hasn't always been pretty, but God has shown up huge!  You see, our church was in the 21 Days of Prayer, and I thought God would heal Charley immediately.  Well, he had a lot He wanted to show me in the process.  I can't wait to share it with you.